One more week of waiting to hear back about EIS (we think...there are no solid facts on this). I'm finding distractions this weekend. Shopping is not a good distraction, but going running, clearing a garden, and painting a treehouse have all worked admirably. Actually, the treehouse painting was rewarding but I'm gonna have to say, provided an awful lot of time for thoughtful contemplation. You would think I had plenty to work on mentally for school, but it's all so bound up in this application, it's not as helpful as you'd think. So I started looking at internships I could do next year, provided that I can find one somewhere I want to go. It seems that surgery and emergency medicine is not a bad combination, at any rate. Which is yay, I think. I remember wondering if I could survive a surgery residency, and an internship isn't going to be any easier. Sometimes it really is obnoxious to have a chronic disease which forces you to question your physical limitations. As I get further out from the End of Prednisone, I think I have a better idea of how hard I can push myself, and I really think I could pull it off.
I have to keep myself in pretty good shape, since my guts seem to respond nicely to that. The weird thing with Crohn's is how the side effects are worse than the disease. So if I'm exercising and eating well, I am a normal person. If the balance is off, however, I am suddenly unable to sit on a bike, I have to run to the bathroom every hour, and am in general an unhappy woman. At which point my busy life generally effects a rescue by providing me an excuse to not eat for a day. The balance seems to be most affected by too much cake and staying up past midnight. And yet! When I attended surgeries in the middle of the night for the emergency rotation, I was easily able to stay bright and alert. No gut pain that went over the threshold of noticing. So I think there's and element of adjusted sleep schedule and a huge element of whether I had drained my one-day emergency reserve.
So really, the biggest concern I have right now is my time management. I am occasionally on time. I am occasionally early. Mostly I am late. I am trying to make it more serious for myself when I am late for lectures by not attending the lecture (since the thing I hate most about being late is disrupting other people's learning and being rude to the professor). But when I am meeting groups for projects or watching movies, I am consistently 20-30 minutes late. It's like punctuality, as a concept, surpasses my understanding. I would like to be that person who is never late, who always arrives with a few minutes spare, but I am continuously baffled by this lag-time wherein I do not seem to snap into "getting there" mode until the actual time I was supposed to have arrived. And it has started to bleed into my homework as well. I swore I'd never let myself get into an essay marathon again, and then I had to spend all Friday night doing my biostats homework. Sorry to write this long rant about it, but I really am determined to figure out how to change this. It's a habit, hopefully not a character trait. I love hanging out with people who have good time management skills, since it's such a revelation to arrive on time, consistently.
I suspect part of it is always feeling I can slip one more action into the pre-leaving time. Whether it's reading two pages of a book, brushing my teeth, or the sudden urgency to clear the floor, it puts me over some indefinite time-of-departure. At this point I would be only a little late, or maybe even still on time. But there there is ANOTHER last action to perform, and then I'm late. However, oftentimes the very last action really is necessary. Grabbing my lunch. Brushing teeth. Going back in to retrieve my bike helmet, or the homework for class. So going back earlier, to the unnecessary action that in itself has not made me late. Breakfast. Book. Changing an outfit twice. Staring indecisively at the computer, trying to remember what I wanted to look up last night as I was falling asleep. The sudden compulsion to clean the sink (I have a lot of these sudden compulsions...I think that setting aside Sunday evening for complete apartment clean-down helps, since at least they are not a necessary action in the mornings then).
Or, very occasionally, writing a blog post when I intended to do my readings...