Le Sigh

Jan. 10th, 2013 12:01 pm
caprices: (Default)
[personal profile] caprices
I somehow was under the impression I was going to spend eight hour days this week at my student-experience-field-site, but I am finding I am doing everything but. I have to go there, some day, I really do, but the sense that I accomplish nothing there overwhelms the sense that I accomplish nothing everywhere else.

In the meantime, I am still as stuck as ever on the guy I spend large portions of emotional will not calling every single day. The secret to anything long distance, of course, is to pretend it's not bugging you as much as it is, because if you started to truthfully describe it you would be a quivering heap of despair. Fortunately the last time it was an issue I was on so much mind-altering corticosteroid that I could only maintain one emotional state for about 5 minutes. These days I just feel heartsick and spend a lot of time in my apartment. Partly because whenever I leave the apartment I will by default have to pass either a thrift store, a library, or a grocery store, all of which are pretty high on my irresistible wastes of time list.

Libraries are not so bad, but thrift stores want me to spend all my non-existent funds on newish clothes and teacups. Grocery stores are tricky. They are necessary evils, but there's nothing so frustrating as either going into the grocery store and coming out two hours later with more food than you can use or coming out two hours later with nothing at all because you managed to rein in your shopping impulse so well you put every item in your basket  back on the shelf, because "you don't really need it."

Meanwhile the lentils languish unused in my kitchen.

I live off of bread, cookies, yogurt, and variations on french toast or pancakes. Some apples make their way into my diet occasionally, accompanied by almond butter if I have enough patience to retrieve it before eating the entire apple. I may break the mold today and try to have spaghetti with sauce and seafood.

Most of my dietary variation right now comes from eating dinner with my family. I suppose that might be part of the reason for the homogeneity of my apartment cuisine. In the past I made something interesting instead of making the 40-minute drive out to the farm. Put that way, I wonder if the time spent seeking new and interesting food is equivalent? Just distributed in a novel way.

Anyway, grad school is turning into an awful sort of limbo. 



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