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Sleep deprivation. Always the answer if you're anything less than bouncing-off-the-walls energetic. However, it does make pole dance a little less fun when you're a touch under the weather. I went, I danced, it was good, but at the same time, I'm a little relieved that I will have a few weeks or months now to practice on my own time.

It's been hard because we have been going over things I'm not physically capable of. The hardest things for me are moves that involve bringing your legs up 90 degrees or more, straight out. I don't have the flexibility, and I don't think I have the muscle either. Which makes me wonder which muscles I'm missing. Time to start doing more free lifts at the gym.

I have started on azathioprine this week, which is the Scary drug. Not the Scary Scary drug, but still enough to be weighing on my mind...

...when I'm not totally distracted by looking for BPAL perfume samples on ebay. Years upon years of scorning perfume, and now I keep browsing through batches of imps with covetousness in my heart. It doesn't help that pretty much anything on ebay can be considered a deal in comparison to ordering direct from BPAL, AND you don't have to wait a month for your order to be filled. Since I'm still at the gathering-samples stage, not the going crazy and getting actual bottles of scent stage, it's especially compelling. Who cares what it is? I want to smell it now!

Which has to be part of the fascination. Sense of smell is so very visceral, it can be almost as rewarding as eating. And it has a time component too, so one tiny sample of a really interesting scent can be this thing you keep going back and poking because you don't know...is it what you remembered? Or is it different now?

The only problem is that I do have some less than happy associations with quite a few perfume smells, it turns out. If it reminds me of my grandma, that's not actually a good thing--I think frailty and misguidedness and family discord, when really it's just supposed to smell like flowers.

June 2014

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